


The Seven of Us

by krazieLeylines



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, M/M, and grew up together, basic plot:, but that's less important, but then she gets revived shortly thereafter, but they were born there, everyone is still elves and dwarves and stuff, in the Panite Commune with Merle, julia dies still, than the present story, the seven birds get arrested for magic crimes, they still live in faerun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-21
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-06-30 18:38:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15757434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/krazieLeylines/pseuds/krazieLeylines
Summary: Taako and Lup are forcibly adopted into the Panite Commune as kids, and grow up alongside the other five birds. Then Magus's wife Julia is murdered, and the seven decide to use the necromancy spell Resurrection to bring her back to life.Nothing says family bonding quite like performing highly illegal magic rituals and invoking the wrath of the Goddess of Death.





	1. Prelogue

“This is such a stupid plan.” Taako glowered at his twin sister, who was making a mess of their shared closet. 

Lup hummed, but otherwise ignored him. She continued to tear through her selection of dresses, tossing everything she dismissed over her shoulder. With another hum, Lup paused to consider one of them. It was not her usual style; heavily conservative, with long flowery sleeves and a multi-layered skirt that hung down to her ankles. It was sky blue, with white lace trim. In short, it was the exact opposite of what Lup would normally choose.

“This might work,” Lup said, holding it up to her body for Taako to appraise.

Taako gave it a once over and tried to remember where they had picked that dress up. He had never seen Lup in it before. “It’ll work, but where did that even come from?”

“Oh, it was a gift from Lucretia,” Lup informed him, “She gave it to me after I came out. It used to be hers before she outgrew it.” Lup smiled wistfully at the dress. “It was such a sweet gesture. I never had the heart to tell her it wasn’t my style.”

Taako snorted. “It certainly isn’t,” he agreed. He smirked for a split second, and then let his expression fall. “You didn’t answer me before,” he said, “I’m telling you, this is a stupid plan.”

Now that she was facing him, Taako could see that Lup rolled her eyes.

“It’s the best plan I’ve got.” Lup bit softly into her lower lip, hesitating a second. “I know it’s a longshot, but… we have to at least try.” Even with her soft voice, though, Lup’s face was set and determined. 

Taako sighed. He knew from experience that there was no changing Lup’s mind once she made that expression.

Lup gave a few seconds Taako to respond. When he didn’t, her shoulders relaxed. “Okay, I’m going to get changed,” she informed him, sounding much cheerier than before, “Make sure to find something that makes you look—”

“Like a rich dirtbag?” Taako guessed.

“Basically, yeah.” Lup grabbed her box of jewelry off of the dresser and stepped into the bathroom to pull her look together.

The door clicked softly behind her. Taako glanced from the door to the closet. He knew he had to get up. Still, the pit of dread in his stomach was weighing him down. He also felt nauseous, but that was a separate issue. He forced himself onto his feet and began rifling through his options.

\---

Taako and Lup had been inseparable since birth. They had grown up with their grandfather’s farm, waddling behind him like ducklings as he did his daily chores, and eventually learning to take care of the animals themselves. When he got too old to care for them, they were sent to their aunt, who ran an inn, and who taught them to cook. After her death, Taako and Lup were passed around between various distant relatives. Each new relative seemed less enthused to care for them than the last. Finally, at the age of twelve, they ran away.

They joined a traveling caravan, earning their keep through cooking and cleaning. Such would have been their life until adulthood. And then the caravan passed through Bottlenose Cove. 

It was a rather quaint town, populated mainly by beach dwarves. That wouldn’t have been an issue, aside from the commune of Pan-worshippers called the Coralhard Clan. In retelling their life story in his future autobiography, Taako would have written that they were kidnapped into the cult. That would have been a dishonest exaggeration, though it made for a more interesting story.

The reality was more mundane. In learning that the caravan leaders were relying on child labor, the Coralhard Clan intervened and won legal custody of the twins. Taako and Lup were unhappy about the ruling, but as children, they had little say in the matter. 

They weren’t the only orphans being raised by the church, though. After several escape plans fell through, Taako and his sister settled begrudgingly into their new life. It helped to be around other kids their own age. Lup, who was easily the more sociable of the two, began making friends. And Taako, who could refuse his sister nothing, stopped talking about running away. 

For his entire childhood, Taako had always thought of everything in terms of “the two of us”. By his eighteenth birthday, Lup had started referring to “the seven of us”.

Three of their new friends were near their age. Magnus was a year younger than the twins, the baby of the group, despite towering over them no matter how many growth spurts they went through. Barry and Lucretia were both a year older. And then there was Merle and Davenport, the closest thing any of the kids ever had to parents. 

Merle was one of the Panites, though his relaxed stance on religion made him more bearable than the other beach dwarfs. And last was Davenport, Merle’s long-term companion, a ship captain who had accompanied him on various mercenary missions throughout his life. Merle had retired from that life after losing both an arm and an eye, but Davenport still visited him for weeks at a time between jobs. And better than his visits were his offers to take them out on his boat, the Starblaster.

Taako had many pleasant memories of that boat. It satiated his lingering wanderlust. He grew to love the smell of salt and the breeze whipping his hair across his face. It was where Lup first opened up to everyone about her gender. It was where Taako could practice his transmutation magic without clerics hovering over his shoulder all the time. 

They had a saying: “Anything that happens on the Starblaster stays on the Starblaster.” Cheesy, sure, but it made their little ragtag group of orphans and misfits feel like a family.

Then Lucretia left to study at Neverwinter University, specializing in abjuration. She had lofty goals about transforming the world and the talent necessary to back them. It shouldn’t have felt like a betrayal, but it had been a long time since Taako had experienced the loss of someone he considered family. When her first letter for him arrived, he promptly threw it in the garbage.

Barry could have gone with her. He was certainly smart enough. But his love for Lup overcrowded his common sense. He took a year off from school just so he could stay near her. They weren’t even dating at the time. 

When Taako and Lup made plans to attend New Elfington Academy, Barry grew increasingly more distant. He had planned to follow the twins, he later confessed to them, but the prestigious New Elfington Academy rarely accepted non-elven students. Nor did it allow the study of necromancy, which was Barry’s preferred school of magic. 

In a perfect world, Taako never would have left that ship. He’d have asked to join Davenport’s crew, and spent his life drifting from port town to port town. 

That last year of high school was stressful. Taako was torn between multitudes of possibilities. He would let Lup have the final say, of course. She was the more decisive of the two. But she didn’t have all the facts. Barry was in love with her, and she was in love with him, and neither of them was aware that their feelings were mutual.

Emotions were gross and Taako didn’t like dealing with them. But he finally sucked it up and demanded that Barry confess, or they would take off for New Elfington Academy the second they graduated, and probably never see him again.

They did end up going to New Elfington Academy, but with Barry in tow. He stuck out like a sore thumb the entire four years, but the other elves didn’t bother him much. Barry was known by everyone as “Lup’s fiancé”, while Lup was known as “that evocation major you really, _really_ don’t want to piss off”. 

The letters from Lucretia, Magnus, Merle, and Davenport didn’t stop coming. Eventually, Taako began reading them, and then began replying to them. It wasn’t the same as everyone hanging out on the Starblaster, but it was something.

Still, the “seven of us” became “the three of us”, and Taako had always taken the longest to adjust to changes.

The three of them graduated the same year, and took jobs in the city. They shared a two-bedroom apartment. One of the bedrooms became a dual magic/science lab. The other one was for keeping the twins’ vast array of clothing and accessories organized. Taako slept on a futon in the living room, while Lup and Barry shared the bed. It was a small, cramped apartment.

At one point Taako wondered whether he was imposing, if Lup and Barry secretly wanted him to get his own place. He brought up the idea of moving out that night. They had just sat down for dinner. Taako mentioned it casually, and was gratified to see the immediate shock on their faces.

Taako never worried about it again after that. They were still “the three of us”. 

More years passed by that way. Taako opened up his own food cart in the heart of the city, using flourishes of transmutation magic to turn his cooking into a performance. Barry and Lup worked for an institute studying the planar system. Barry specialized on the astral plane, while Lup focused on the elemental planes. Sometimes they traveled for work; sometimes Taako did the same. 

More often they would all travel together, to visit Lucretia in Neverwinter, or Magnus and his fiancée Julia in Raven’s Roost, or Merle and Davenport at Bottlenose Cove. Candlenights was the one time of year all seven of them got together at once. Julia started joining them, too, and quickly became a part of their group. They always celebrated Candlenights in the Starblaster’s cabin, no matter how chilly it got outside. Barry and Lup had their wedding there one year. It was a bit of an impromptu decision, but it made sense. If they were going to do the whole “making it official” thing, they were going to do it with all of their friends nearby. The next year, Magnus and Julia copied their idea.

It was a comfortable routine they had settled into. The years had been flying by. 

Everything changed with a single letter. Taako and Lup had been planning Barry’s thirty-second birthday party when it arrived. It was from Magnus, though it took a moment for them to riddle that out. The handwriting was even less intelligible than usual.

Taako let Lup read it first, as was custom. He had gone back to making pancakes, and almost didn’t notice when his sister fell to her knees on the kitchen floor.

Taako watched, horrified and speechless, as Lup broke down into tears. He ran to her, scooping her into his arms, and failed to come up with anything to say. His mind was racing too fast for him to keep up. _Should I comfort her?_ He wondered. _Or asked her what’s wrong?_

Truthfully, he didn’t want to know. He knew Lup, and he knew she wasn’t an easy crier. So he held her silently, rubbing his hands over her shoulders and placing soft kisses to her forehead. 

When she managed to calm down enough to explain the contents of the letter, Lup pulled back just enough to look Taako in the face. “It’s Julia,” she whispered, her voice shaking, “Julia… she’s been murdered.”

\---

Taako finished getting dressed. He had settled on one of his less flamboyant outfits, a simple green tunic and fitted leather trousers. They’re plain, but well-made. More importantly, it’s an outfit a gaggle of pretentious high elves would approve of. Taako then completed the look with a gold embroidered cape that he lifted off a theater troupe and a ludicrous number of rings to adorn his unpolished fingers.

Lup was like eighty percent sure that nail polish is a human fashion thing, and that traditional elves do not approve of it. They decided not to risk it, and removed their polish the night before. 

Taako didn’t approve of how naked his hands look, but he can deal with it. He looked at the mirror across the room. He hadn’t done his makeup today either. The face that stared back at him was just as handsome as ever, but it’s also foreign. There was a distinctive panic in his eyes that he can’t seem to get rid of.

“Are you decent?” Lup called out from the bathroom.

Taako glanced at the door and then back at his reflection. God, he was so tired, and the night hadn’t even begun. But there was no backing down now. He knew what he has to do and why.

He went through the plan again in his mind. _Crash the pretentious elf party. Pretend to be the long-lost heirs. Get the duchess alone. Steal her diamond ring. Bring it back to Bottlenose Cove. Stand guard while Merle, Barry, and Lup perform the ritual. Bring Julia back from the dead._

“Okay,” Taako said, “I’m ready.”


	2. Remembrance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first part of the great diamond heist.

As promised, Barry was waiting for them outside. He was wearing a crisp tuxedo, and standing beside a horse-drawn carriage.

Lup giggled under her breath, but quickly got herself into character. She cleared her throat loudly to grab her husband’s attention and walked down the stairs with her arm looped through Taako’s, “Footman,” she called out, “The door, if you would be so kind.”

She could practically feel Taako rolling her eyes next to him, and gave him a pinch to keep him quiet.

Barry obediently walked to the door to the carriage and held it open for them. 

Taako let Lup climb in first, and then followed after her. They settled down in the velvet cushioned seats as Barry gave a short bow and closed the door behind them. Somehow that visual invoked another giggle fit from Lup, though, and within seconds she dissolved into full blown hysterics.

“Pull yourself together,” Taako said, though his tone was amused.

Lup wiped at her eyes and nodded. “Sorry, sorry,” she said, choking her laughter down, “I just feel like such a pompous douchebag right now.”

The carriage jolted to life unexpectantly, and the twins automatically grabbed each other’s wrists. They could see Barry’s back through a small window across from where they were sitting, but little else of the world outside. There were heavy curtains over the windows, too. The elven aristocracy liked their privacy when traveling through the streets of New Elfington. 

That came as an advantage to Lup and Taako, though. It was easier for them to cast their spells in secret.

Lup pulled out the piece of paper she had folded into her purse. On it was a sketch Lup had done, trying to recreate one of the most famous pieces of artwork in the city. The original was a family portrait commissioned by the Wonder’s, the most powerful family in New Elfington. Magic duplicates of the portrait were hung in nearly every arthouse and coffee shop in town. Lup’s copy was missing a lot of fine details. Two of the faces, though, had been drawn with the upmost care. It was a pair of twins, a boy and a girl. 

Everyone in town knew of Edward and Lydia Wonder. Elves were long-lived, but physically fragile. Giving birth was a dangerous endeavor, and few elves that gave birth to twins survived. (That was how Lup had lost her mother, though she forced herself not to think about that.) But against all odds, Elena Wonder survived. For that, she and her newborns became legends. Elena even eventually went on to give birth to a third child. 

The portrait in question portrayed Edward and Lydia as teenagers. They were much older now, having long ago moved out of the main estate to travel the world. Edward and Lydia had become regional sensations, opening up fashion stores all over Faerun. Word on the street was that they always arrived fashionably late, an hour or two behind schedule at the very least.

An hour was, incidentally, the perfect timeframe for an uncover extraction mission.

“Remember,” Lup said as Taako examined the sketch closely, “you want to imagine what Edward would look like now.”

“Yeah, got it,” Taako replied absentmindedly. He always got like that when he was deeply concentrating. He paused a moment while he conjured the visual he wanted in his mind, and then he nodded, satisfied. “One entitled dillweed, coming right up,” he declared, and flicked his wrist. 

And suddenly Lup was looking at a strange elf wearing Taako’s half-quirked smile.

“How do I look?”

“Perfect.” Lup took the sketch back from Taako and studied Lydia’s face. Though they were twins, Lydia wasn’t identical to Edward. Lup closed her eyes and tried to come up with a concrete image in her mind. Once she settled on it, she muttered, “One Lydia Wonder coming right up,” waved her hand, and cast Disguise Self.

When she opened her eyes, the fake Edward was giving her a concerned look.

“Well?” Lup asked.

“Yeah, I guess you look like Lydia,” Taako said. There was a smidge of worry underlining his words, though. “It’s weird to hear your voice coming out of that face.”

Lup put a hand to her lips. “Is it too deep?”

Taako shook his head. “No, it’s not that. It’s both of us, I guess. We don’t have the kind of voices I’d usually associate with aristocrats.” He bit his lip, thinking it over. “Maybe we should try to sound more snobbish. And, I don’t know, more passive aggressive?” 

“Good heavens,” Lup tried, “Haven’t you lost a lot of weight? Well done! Oh, but where are my manners? Please, come in, and don’t forget to leave your shoes at the door.”

A wide grin split across Taako’s face. “Yeah, that’s good. And call people ‘darling’, but like, in a condescending way.” He cleared his throat and tried it out himself. “Darling, I’m not a barbarian! I didn’t graduate top of my class in finishing school not knowing where shoes are supposed to go. That would be _positively_ absurd, don’t you agree?”

Lup snorted. “You’re a little too good at that,” she informed her twin.

“Who do you think I learned it from, doofus?”

\---

The ride to the Wonder estate was blessedly brief. It meant that Lup and Taako didn’t have the time to wallow, imagining everything that could go wrong. They worked best when they were improvising. Overthinking always threw Lup off her rhythm, and whenever Lup faltered, Taako usually wasn’t that far behind.

The carriage pulled to a stop and they waited as Barry moved to open the door. He didn’t say a word, but merely nodded and held out a hand.

“Thank you, footman,” Lup said. She gratefully placed her palm in his and let him lead her down the steep stairs to the ground. His touch only lingered a second longer than necessary before he withdrew. Lup then stepped out of the way to make room for Taako.

Her brother descended the steps without Barry’s aid, shoulders squared tensely. 

Almost immediately, the crowd around them fell into silence. They were standing in the front courtyard, where guests were disembarking from their own carriages and filing into the colossal estate towering above them. Before, there had been idle conversations here and there. Now, everyone was staring at Taako and Lup.

Lup opened her mouth to break the silence, but someone else beat her to it.

“Edward! Lydia!”

At the top of the stairs, standing in the now cleared doorframe, was Duchess Delores Wonder, the family matriarch. She was over seven hundred years old, having lived in the area since before it had been burned to the ground and turned into New, instead of Old, Elfington. Her frame was wiry, and her wrinkles sagged far from her bones. Delores was blind in one eye and supposedly going senile, but her authority had gone uncontested for centuries.

On her right hand, Lup and Taako’s prize twinkled brilliantly in the moonlight. It was a diamond ring she had gotten from her fourth and final husband, the late Norwood Wonder. The band was just simple, polished silver, but it was worth nothing in comparison to the rock. It weighed just over two hundred carats, making it one of the biggest diamonds in the world. The spell Resurrection only required a diamond to weigh a hundred carats, but Lup didn’t do anything half-cocked. If they were going to have to steal a big ass stone to bring Julia back to life, then it was going to be the biggest ass stone she could find.

The Duchess began to run down the stairs toward them, arms outstretched. Lup moved instinctively to grab her in case she fell, but miraculously, Delores made it down safely and enveloped Lup into a warm embrace.

“Lydia, let me see you!” Delores pulled away to inspect Lup, and stroked her face. “I wasn’t expected the two of you to show up for another two or three hours!”

Taako stepped forward and placed his hand on Delores’s shoulder. “I think we’re just about done with the ‘arriving fashionably late’ thing,” he improvised masterfully, “Why, everyone is doing that these days. And you know us. We’re trend-setters, not trend-followers. So we’re trying this new thing out. We call it… ‘arriving fashionably early’!”

“How fun!” Delores let go of Lup and inspected Taako closely. “Oh, but you sound a little squeaky, darling. Do you have a frog in your throat or something?”

Taako coughed into his fist. “No, no, just a cold. Lydia and I caught a little bug, what with all the traveling we do.” They had planned out that lie in the carriage, at least. They couldn’t make themselves sound like Edward and Lydia if they didn’t know what that would even sound like. “We’re well past the contagious stage, though,” he added quickly, when Delores took a quick step backwards, “No need to worry about catching it.”

“Oh, that’s a relief.” Delores wiped her hands on her dress anyway, not looking completely convinced. Because of their fragile constitutions, elves tended to be paranoid germaphobes. It was even worse for the elderly. Living for a long time didn’t curb one’s fear of death. Rather, in some cases, it could amplify it. 

The Duchess clearly fitted in that latter category. Lup stored that information away for safekeeping.

They all stood there for a moment, awkwardly silent. Then Delores glanced over and seemed to notice Barry for the first time. “Wait, who’s that?”

Lup frowned. Fuck, they forgot to come up with a fake name for Barry! She racked her brain for a suitable alias for her husband. “Oh,” she said, “This is Harold… Silkpants. He’s a new hire, but he’s been knocking it out of the park so far.”

“He’s… human.” Delores looked Barry over. Thankfully, she did not comment on how stupid the fake name Lup had given him had been. 

Taako, though. Taako would surely give her shit for it later.

Speaking of Taako, he was quick to jump to Barry’s – or rather, Harold’s – defense. “A human, yes, but a highly loyal one,” he said. “Mr. Silkpants here is a long-time fanatic of our fashion industry and brand. He even graciously changed his own last name to help us sell more… well, more silk pants.”

“It’s the new craze that’s sweeping the nation,” Lup added helpfully. 

Okay, maybe they shouldn’t have relied on improvising everything. Lup was starting to sweat underneath her too-tight dress. It was time to change the subject.

“So, can you take us to the birthday boy?”

The light faded from Delores’s eyes. “Oh, of course.” She reached out and took Lup’s hand in her own. The diamond bumped her thigh briefly. It was surprisingly sharp.

Delores led them into the estate and through the room to the opposite end. There, built around the unlit fireplace, was a shrine to Keats. There was a portrait of him hanging high above the mantel, and an array of candles and toys scattered around the hearth. Keats, in the portrait, was a young child of about eight or nine. He had passed away many, many years ago, when Edward and Lydia were only barely adolescent. Ever since his tragic death, his birthday had become a local holiday. They called it Remembrance.

Lup and Taako stood shoulder to shoulder in front of the painting. Lup tried not to imagine what it was like to lose a brother. In this one thing, Lup felt empathy for Lydia. Sure, she had turned into an attention-seeking douche, buying up all competing business and overpricing her customers for subpar quality clothing, but that didn’t mean that it’d make losing a sibling any easier for her. Hell, if anything ever happened to Taako, Lup would steal a hundred – no, a thousand diamonds to bring him back. She’d make an enemy of _every last_ pompous aristocrat in the world, if that’s what it took.

Taako seemed to sense Lup’s sudden tense mood and bumped her shoulder. “Hey, lighten up;” he said to her softly, “Keats would want us to spend today celebrating him, not mourning him.”

“That’s right, Lydia.” Delores stepped forward and put one hand on each of their backs. “Be proud of the fact that you did everything you could to help him. He loved you two most out of everyone, and he would want you guys to be happy.”

Lup took a deep breath. They were right – sort of. It wasn’t the time to be spiraling down a path of hypotheticals. They had a ring to swipe.

“Now, let me get you two a little something to drink.” The Duchess smiled at them warmly and then ducked off before they could protest. She was surprisingly nimble for such a shriveled up elf. They watched her disappear into the steadily growing crowd.

Within seconds they were accosted by other aristocrats, most of which they were completely unfamiliar with.

“Edward, Lydia, it’s so good to see the two of you on time for once!” A heavyset lady elf spoke first, reaching out with both hands for a shake. Lup indulged her, and marveled at her strength. “I know it’s been a while, I know, but I’m hoping that you remember me?”

Lup smiled thinly. “La… rissa, was it?” That was a common enough elf name.

The lady elf’s smile dropped for just a split-second. “Zinnia, actually. Your cousin Zinnia, from your father’s side?”

“Zinnia, of course.” Taako tsked at Lup. “Lydia, how could you forget dear Zinnia?”

Lup struggled not to roll her eyes.

“Oh, it’s fine.” Zinnia shrugged her shoulders sheepishly. “It’s been at least… a century, right? Has it really been that long? I certainly don’t blame you for not remembering. Anyway, these are my daughters.” She pulled two other ladies forward. “Marsha and Freda. Say hello to your second cousins Edward and Lydia.”

Gods, Lup had forgotten how annoying it was to have extended families. She forced herself to look invested as Marsha and Freda introduced themselves.

It felt like forever by the time Duchess Delores returned with two goblets of sparkling white wine. The goblets were bedazzled to excess, encrusted with a ring of tiny rubies and emeralds around the gold-plated rim. And if Lup wasn’t mistaken, there were flakes of gold floating in the drinks, too.

 _Fuck the rich_ , Lup thought violently. But she accepted the drink with a smile.

“Thank you, Grandmother,” Taako said, taking his cup and immediately taking a long swig from it. “I’m too sober for this party. Let’s start having fun. For Keats!” He held out his goblet for a toast, but froze at Delores’s expression.

She was glaring at him coldly. Then she grinned, and somehow that was even more terrifying. “I thought I told you to call me Granny.” There was a heavy pause, and everyone in the immediate vicinity had gone deathly silent. Glancing around and seeing this, Delores’s chilly demeanor faded. “Please,” she said, in a softer voice, “Call me Granny. I thought we were past all that.”

“R-right, of course.” Taako’s voice was shaking ever so slightly. Lup wanted to reach out and take his hand, but she didn’t know if Lydia and Edward did that. “Thanks, Granny.”

Duchess Delores clapped her hands together, making a sound of wood knocking against wood. (Her bones sounded so hollow. _How is she even alive?_ Lup wondered.) “You’re very welcome, my darling Edward,” Delores purred, “There’s more wine in the kitchen, when you finish that. Before we get too silly, though, I’d like to introduce you to someone.”

Lup reflexively glanced at Taako. He was giving her a _What the fuck was that?_ look. She tried to give him the facial expression equivalent of a shrug.

They followed Delores into a smaller side room. There were still guests there, but fewer of them, and talking in softer voices. The vast majority of them were elves, as would be expected, but there was one outlier in the mix.

He was sitting by the bookshelf, a large tome open on his lap. It dwarfed his tiny figure. He was around the age Keats was when he died, with tightly coiled curls and thick-wired glasses giving his face an owlish look. It was a human child, his skin dark, and dressed in a fancy sweater vest, button-up dress shirt, and khaki shorts. And for whatever reason, Delores led Lup and Taako right up to the spiffy-looking little fellow.

Delores’s shadow fell over the book, causing the boy to glance up. 

“Oh, hey!” His voice was high but clear. He pushed the book aside and jumped up to his feet. “Sir Edward, Miss Lydia!” The boy held out his hand for them to shake. “Pardon my absent-mindedness. You arrived earlier than expected, you see. Anyway, it’s a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance. My name is Angus McDonald.”


	3. Double Trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second part of the great diamond heist.

Lup stared blankly at the short human boy extending his hand to her. And then she glanced sideways at Delores. And then back at that boy. Angus, he said his name was Angus.

“The pleasure is all… mine?” Lup accepted his handshake briefly before turning to the Duchess of New Elfington. There was something vaguely sinister in her smile again. Things were getting just a little too weird for Lup’s liking, and it was getting on her nerves. “Granny,” Lup began as politely as she could manage, “I don’t mean to be rude, but, ah—”

“Who the fuck is this and why should we care?” Taako finished the thought for her.

Lup barely avoided hiding her face behind her hands. She wanted to pray, but she wasn’t associated with any particular deity. 

To her immense relief, Delores just laughed. “That is almost word for word what I said when he arrived at my front door two days ago.” She leaned down and rested her elbow on Angus’s shoulder. When she spoke to him, her voice was dripping sickly sweet. “Angus, why don’t you tell my dear, darling grandbabies what you told me?”

Angus looked rationally intimidated, but he did as she asked. He reached into a little pocket on his sweater vest and pulled out the world’s smallest notepad and pen. After a couple of flips, Angus settled on the page he was looking for and cleared his throat.

“I’m investigating a murder,” he said, “Initial findings suggest that the cause of death was ritual sacrifice, perpetrated by a particularly dangerous group of necromancers known as The Flock. Witnesses reported seeing two elves matching your descriptions heading in and out of The Flock’s lair, multiple nights on the week of the murder. I’ve attempted to get in contact with you for _several_ weeks now, but it seems as though you are always mysteriously out on errands whenever I visit your shop. But you two already know all about that, I’m sure. So I hope you’ll excuse me ambushing you in your family home. You gave me no other option.”

“W-what?” Lup squeaked out.

She was reeling. Edward and Lydia were wanted for _murder_? Oh, this was bad. This was really, really bad. Lup considered dismissing the Disguise Self spell. Surely crashing a party as a prank would lead to lighter consequences than being arrested for performing a ritual sacrifice.

But Taako stepped forward, dedicated to the act. “And what exact descriptions did your witnesses give? Did they see our faces? Because we have quite a fanatic following around the world, and it’s not unusual for people to dress up as us.” He put his hand to his chin, and titled his head to the side. “Your witnesses must have seen some imposters, because we have no clue what you’re talking about. And if you actually traveled all the way here to New Elfington to interrogate us about some flimsy witness reports, we might just have to sue you for defamation.” 

That seemed to stump Angus for a second before he recovered. “The witnesses… well, they were some distance away, so they didn’t get a perfect view of your faces, but they knew you, from all the advertisements you’ve hung around the city. They swore it was you they saw.” He cleared his throat and reviewed his notes. “May I ask where you were the night of the murder?”

“Which night was that?” Taako sounded remarkably casual. 

Lup’s chest swelled with pride.

Angus sighed. “It was last month, the 24th. We also know the ritual took place between 9:00 and 11:00 o’clock at night. It was a full moon, if that helps jog your memory.”

“Oh, yes.” Taako tapped his chin. “I believe my sister and I were out on an errand. Our business requires all of our free time, as you can imagine. We were commissioning a few new designs from our friend, who lives just on the edge of town. You can ask her. We stayed at her place overnight, so we didn’t have to travel back in the dark.”

Angus didn’t look convinced, but he started taking notes. “And what is the name of this friend?”

“Janet Smith,” Lup put in, knowing that Taako was shit at coming up with fake names. Although, she did just use Harold Silkpants as Barry’s alias, so maybe she wasn’t the best at it, either. Still, coming up with the most bland name in existence wasn’t too difficult. Hopefully, there would be multiple Janet Smith’s in town they could question.

“Janet Smith,” Angus repeated as he took that down in his notebook. “Alright, well, I’m going to have a short chat with my colleague,” he said, and held up a stone of far speech, “See if he can’t get Miss Smith to collaborate your alibi. In the meantime, don’t go anywhere.”

Taako put his hands up in surrender. “We’re not going anywhere, pumpkin. Janet will back us up, and then you can get back to finding the people who are _actually_ guilty.”

Angus narrowed his eyes, but walked off to the corner of the room without another word.

“Seems like he doesn’t believe us,” Taako sighed.

Lup turned to Delores, sizing up her reaction. It wasn’t easy to read the old crone. More uncomfortably, it seemed as though Delores was sizing her up in return. “You have to know,” Lup tried, “We didn’t do it, Granny. We don’t know the first thing about necromancy, and besides, we just don’t have the _time_ for stuff like that.”

“Oh, I’m sure that’s true, dear.” Delores gave Lup a wink. It was highly unnerving.

Taako tugged lightly on Lup’s dress sleeve. They had done enough petty crime in their youth to develop their own coded language. This signal meant, _We need to get a move on_.

It was a statement Lup fully agreed with, but that didn’t mean she knew how to go about doing that. It was probably too risky to try going after the diamond tonight. And yet, Lup didn’t want to tap out. They were _so close_ , and once the real Edward and Lydia showed up, it’d be game over. They’d have to find another diamond to steal. Lup’s thoughts raced, desperately trying to make the right decision. 

Before her mind could settle, though, Angus returned.

“Okay,” he said, “My colleague is trying to locate and question Miss Smith. I know it’s probably a bit inconvenient for you two, but I’m going to have to insist that I accompany you until your statement has been proven either true or false.”

Taako tugged on Lup’s sleeve again.

Lup pinched his hip. That signal meant, _I know!_ It was less of a petty crime thing, and more of just a sibling thing. “That’s fine,” Lup said, keeping her voice even. She glanced sideways at Taako, ensuring that he was looking at her. He was. Lup reached up and tugged at the earlobe that was facing Taako. That meant, _It’s time for a distraction_.

“You’re right,” Taako said, “It’s for the best that you stick close to us, Agnes. We don’t want to lose your little bean head in the crowd.” He ruffled Angus’s hair playfully.

Angus huffed and pulled away. “My name is Angus. And I know I’m young, but I’d appreciate it if you’d take me seriously, sir,” he grouched, “I’m still a licensed detective.” He paused, and then smiled thoughtfully. “Even if you try to run, I’ll still find you. It might take a while, but I always catch the bad guy in the end. That’s the kind of detective I am!”

Taako snorted, but tried to cover it up behind his palm. “Sure you are, homie,” he said.

“Homie?” Delores tilted her head to the side. “Is that one of those new words young people are using these days?”

Lup slammed her gold-infused wine back. “It sure is,” she spoke quickly, “Anyway, is it just me, or are we too sober for this conversation? I’m being questioned for a murder I didn’t commit, by a pint-sized human child, on the anniversary of my dear baby brother’s death. I think I deserve to be tipsy, at the very least.” She spun around to start heading out of the room.

Chuckling under his breath, Taako followed her. They walked with long strides, forcing Delores and Angus scrambling to catch up.

“Slow down!” Angus called out behind them, though his voice was partially swallowed up by the multiple conversations happening throughout the crowd. Trying to shake Angus hadn’t been part of Lup’s plan, but it would be an appreciated bonus. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. Angus masterfully wove through the sea of elves, never once losing sight of the twins.

Lup discreetly pointed her finger at her brother and cast Message, telepathically transmitting a short thought: _Keep Angus distracted. I’ll take Delores_.

She heard his response almost immediately. _Understood_.

Like synchronized swimmers, the twins stopped at the same time and turned around. Angus was upon them within seconds, but Delores was lagging behind. She was panting heavily by the time she was within hearing distance of them. “What,” she wheezed, “What was that for?”

“Sorry, Granny,” Lup apologized, “I got so excited about refilling my drink!” She went to Delores’s side and put an arm around her. As she did so, Lup cast Vampiric Touch, dealing a fair amount of necrotic damage to the Duchess, and stealing half of that energy for herself. Delores immediately crumpled in Lup’s arms. 

“Oh, Gods,” Delores swore, nails biting into Lup’s arm, “I’m—”

“Granny, what’s wrong?” Taako surged forward, cutting off whatever Delores was about to say. He took one of her withered up hands between his own. They were so _clammy_ , Taako was barely able to suppress a shiver. “You don’t look so good.”

“You shouldn’t have pushed yourself so hard,” Lup sighed. She put her hand over the one digging into her arm, palm cupping the diamond.

“Cleric,” Taako gasped, turning to Angus, “We need a cleric!”

Angus was frozen in place for a moment. The twins could see the arithmetic swirling through his mind. It seemed possible that they were tricking him, that it was all an act. But at the same time, Angus couldn’t risk that. Angus scanned Delores’s pale face, and made up his mind. “Okay, but don’t go anywhere,” he instructed the twins. Then he turned on his heel and rushed into the crowd, yelling, “Cleric! Is there a cleric here? We need someone who knows healing magic!”

Taako nodded to Lup and then followed after Angus. “Anyone, please! My Granny needs help!”

Delores’s grip on Lup tightened. For such a frail old lady, she sure had a hard grip. Lup winced a little as Delores spoke. “Not here. I don’t want to be healed here. Too many people are staring.”

It was exactly what Lup had hoped she would say. “Of course, Granny,” she answered, and hefted the elder elf into her arms, as though she were carrying a baby. She ignored the woman’s protests and glanced around for a good place to hide. As Delores had said, people were staring, but they parted easily enough as Lup surged through the crowd. She darted down a hallway, and brought Delores into a small, empty room.

“I didn’t ask to be carried!” Delores scolded Lup, after being unceremoniously dumped onto the large cushioned couch in the back. She wobbled as she tried to sit up straight. When she looked into Lup’s face, her eyes were murderous.

The violent hatred in that glare mystified Lup. She found herself speechless.

“I knew it,” Delores continued. Her voice was dripping with contempt. “I knew you two never really forgave me for Keats. But I admit, I’m a bit confused. Why kill me now?”

 _The fuck? This family is seriously messed up_ , Lup thought. She didn’t know exactly what was going on, and though curious, she didn’t have the time to puzzle it out. So instead she decided to just play along. “We were only going to get one chance,” she improvised, “And you shouldn’t underestimate the element of surprise.”

Delores slumped against the side of the chair. Though the will to fight had seemingly left her body, her eyes still burned with malice. “No, I suppose I shouldn’t have. I didn’t suspect you’d have the gall to murder me with so many witnesses around.”

“You’re old,” Lup said, “Why would they suspect foul play?” 

And then she reached forward and wrenched the diamond ring off of Delores’s finger.

Delores attempted to put up a fight, but she was too weak and too slow. She clutched her bare hand to her chest and raised an eyebrow. “And what are you going to do with that?”

Lup deposited the diamond into her magically concealed satchel. She tried to think of a convincing lie. What would Edward and Lydia, the richest elves in Faerun, need with a diamond ring? Then the obvious answer came to her. “We’re going to bring Keats back,” she said.

The lie worked. Delores snorted and rolled her eyes. “Of course,” she spat, “Of course you’d try that, you sentimental nitwits.”

Then the door burst open.

Quickly, Lup grabbed the small vial she had filled with the carefully pre-proportioned spell ingredients and whispered the incantation for Sleep. The ingredients disappeared in a puff of pink smoke, and Duchess Delores fell unconscious. Lup stuffed the empty vial back in her satchel and looked over her shoulder.

Angus and a moon elf rushed to Delores. The elf was dressed in cleric robes, and he fell to his knees, inspecting Delores without exchanging a single glance with Lup.

Angus watched the elf work for a half-second before turning his attention to Lup. In an instant he had unsheathed a small crossbow that had been hidden up his sleeve. It was pointed directly at Lup’s heart. “Okay, what’s going on here?” Angus’s voice was surprisingly steady. “And where did your brother go?”

That was what Lup wanted to know. She had explicitly told him to keep Angus distracted. She resisted the urge to rub the bridge of her nose, a habit she had picked up from her husband. Instead, she raised her hands in surrender. “I honestly don’t know where he went,” she told him, “Do you mind pointing that thing somewhere else? My grandmother just passed out, and I’m already stressed out enough as is.”

The best lies, Lup knew, were the ones that were partially true. 

Angus looked Lup over. “I’m still not convinced the two of you are innocent,” he informed her, “For all I know, this could be part of an elaborate ruse. Maybe the Duchess is in on it, too.”

Lup bit her lip. She had been in stickier situations than this one before, sure, but she always had Taako to back her up. The fact that he had somehow disappeared in the recent chaos put a strong damper on Lup’s characteristic confidence. Just when she was starting to think that the situation couldn’t get any worse, a new person burst into the room.

“What the _hell_ is going on here?”

Lup’s spirits soared, and then immediately crashed back down. 

There was a familiar face standing in the doorway. At first sight Lup mistook him for Taako, but then she noticed, with horror, that he was speaking in a different voice and wearing a completely different outfit.

It was Edward Wonder, the _real_ Edward Wonder. And he looked furious.


	4. The Grand Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final part of the great diamond heist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I super duper appreciate everyone who left a kudos, bookmark, or comment. This is my first fanfic for the TaZ universe. I have a lot of anxieties about getting the characterizations right, so feel free to give me tips and tricks so I can better my writing.

Things were getting just a teensy bit hairy. Taako couldn’t deny that, especially in his current predicament.

He was pressed back against the fireplace, hands up in the air. Lydia had him at wand-point, with the sharp end of her focus jabbing against his larynx. He could feel it charging up a spell, waves of energy pulsating against his skin. She had already dispelled his magical disguise, though it wouldn’t do him any good at this point anyway.

They had amassed quite the crowd. 

It had all happened so quickly. Taako’s mind was still reeling. One moment he was trying to keep up with Angus, and the next he was face-to-face with the real Wonder twins. Edward had rushed off to find the Duchess, with Lydia staying behind to interrogate Taako.

“Well?” Lydia prompted. Though she had a maniacal grin on her face, Taako could plainly see that she was growing impatient. “Who are you, and what do you want?”

Taako swallowed, though it was a bit difficult with the wand pressing into his throat. He had been mentally shifting through his arsenal of spells, but he couldn’t find one that’d help him out. Almost all of them required some sort of hand movement or incantation. And he couldn’t be positive that he’d be able to cast his spell before Lydia cast hers. If only he could distract her, just for a second…

“I’m— I’m just a simple thief,” he stammered, “I thought I’d just, I don’t know, pop in here, grab a little jewelry, and get the hell out of Dodge before you arrived. It was a stupid plan, I know, but I didn’t expect you guys to be wanted for _murder_.”

That did it. Lydia flinched backwards. “Who told you— fuck, are the police here?” She glanced down the hall after her brother.

Taako waved his wrist and cast Mislead. The illusionary Taako continued to stammer stuff about regretting everything, and saying he was sorry, while the now invisible Taako dipped off down the hall to save his sister. Behind him, he could hear Lydia shouting at his decoy to shut up, but he didn’t stick around to see how that situation would resolve itself. 

It was fairly easy to guess which room shit was going down in. First off, it was the only door in the hallway that was ajar. Secondly, and more importantly, it was where the screaming was coming from.

Taako peered into the room, preparing for the worst. 

Edward’s back was taking up the majority of what Taako could see. In front of him and a little to the side was Angus, who was pointing what appeared to be a miniature crossbow at Edward’s face. They were in a heated argument.

“Arrest her! _She’s_ the one who broke into my house!”

“I said, stop moving! Just lie down on the floor and put your arms behind your head.” Angus’s hands shook, but his brows were furrowed in concentration. He pointed at someone else in the room that Taako couldn’t see. “You, too! I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’m losing my patience with all these theatrics.”

“Okay, okay!” That was Lup’s voice. Taako’s ears immediately pricked up. “I’m getting down, but I can explain—”

“You can explain once I’ve got the situation under control,” Angus cut her off, and then swiveled back to Edward. “How many times do I have to repeat myself? Lie down and put your arms behind your head.” 

Edward hesitated a moment, but then moved slowly to comply. 

Once his head was out of the way, Taako could see Delores slumped down in a big armchair, being tended to by an elf in a clerical gown. He scanned her hand and smirked when he couldn’t see the big diamond ring. 

Lup had accomplished what she did best: swiping stuff. And now it was Taako’s turn to do what he did best: running away.

Taako gingerly stepped into the room, ensuring he didn’t make any noise. He kept his eyes on Angus as he made his way to Lup’s side. She was lying on her stomach, her face glowering into the carpet. Very carefully, as not to spook her, Taako leaned over and tugged on the sleeve of her dress. 

He saw her ears twitch, but she made no other response.

Taako glanced at Angus again. The small boy was talking into his stone of far speech, and didn’t seem to have noticed anything.

Still, Taako moved slowly. Apparently this kid was more intelligent than most his age, and Taako didn’t want to do anything to put his twin in more danger. Taako reached into his pocket and slipped out a vial of gemstone dust. He twisted the cork off, and then upended the dust onto Lup’s wrist.

“Stoneskin,” Taako whispered.

A lot happened at once. Angus startled, dropping the stone. He was only knocked off-kilter for a half second, though, before angling his crossbow back at Lup.

Lup jumped to her feet. Angus reflexively let loose an arrow, but it bounced harmlessly off of Lup’s new armored skin. Taako grabbed Lup’s wrist and yanked her towards the door. Edward lunged at Lup’s legs, but Lup managed to dodge out of the way.

They tore down the hallway. They only made it a few more feet, though, before Lydia was blocking their path. Fake Taako was held in a headlock in the crook of her elbow.

“You!” Lydia raised her wand at Lup. “Just how many of you are there?”

“They stole Grandmother’s ring!” Edward called from behind them.

Lydia recoiled a moment as though it was a physical blow. Her ears dropped, and then her shoulders began to shake. “Oh, you’re going to regret doing that.”

“What do you care?” Lup stared Lydia down. “She killed Keats.”

“She—” Lydia gaped. The twins watched as her face flickered through a myriad of emotions: shock, disbelief, confusion, anger, and finally, despair. Lydia crumpled to the group in front of them, dragging the fake Taako down with her. “She finally admitted it, then?”

Taako had no clue what was going on, but he also didn’t give a shit.

Tightening his grip on Lup’s wrist, Taako surged forward. They managed to dodge around Lydia with ease. The distressed elf didn’t even acknowledge them as they passed, her body quaking with gurgled sobs. 

“Stop!” Angus shouted from behind them, but they paid him no mind.

The second they darted into the crowd, Taako knew they’d be safe from Angus’s arrows. The kid wouldn’t dare risk collateral damage. 

Taako was not as generous. Still invisible, he bulldozed his way through any elf that stood in their way. Many parted for them, but others were standing shell-shocked. The news of Delores’s crime was spreading throughout the room like wildfire, somehow moving even faster than Taako and Lup. 

If anyone tried to stop them, they didn’t even come close to succeeding. Within seconds Taako and Lup were out the front door and bounding down the steps two at a time towards the carriage.

Only once Barry was in view did Taako drop his invisibility. Barry startled and clambered up onto the driver seat. Not bothering with the carriage, Taako and Lup followed. Lup was still halfway hanging off the side when Barry snapped the reins and the horses broke into a gallop.

Taako pulled Lup the rest of the way up. She fell into his arms, and the two clung to each other while they caught their breath. 

Then Barry cleared his throat. “So?” He asked, a half-smile on his face, “How did it go?”

In lieu of answering, Lup dug into her pocket and pulled out the ring. She waved it in Barry’s face triumphantly. “Everything went according to plan, obviously.”

“Except for the part where we were almost arrested for murder,” Taako put in.

“What?” Barry squeaked.

“And when the real Wonder twins showed up,” Taako added. He took the diamond from Lup to admire it up close. “Honestly, Barry, it was a real shitstorm. The whole Wonder family is off the wall bonkers. Like, performing ritual sacrifices and murdering literal children bonkers.”

Barry reeled in shock. “I’m sorry, _what_?”

“We’ll tell you all about it once we get someplace safe, Bear-Bear,” Lup promised. She leaned over Taako to give her husband a kiss on the cheek. (Taako made a gagging noise, purely out of habit.) “It was a wild ride, and also I think they know what Taako looks like? So they’re probably going to come after us.” As she spoke, Lup dispelled her own illusion.

“Oh yeah, they’ll definitely try to hunt us down,” Taako agreed. He handed the ring back to Lup, who tucked it safely away into her satchel. 

As if on cue, sirens began blaring in the distance.

“Well, we are speeding down a main road in the dark,” Barry pointed out. He snapped the reins again, signaling the horses to go faster. The horses whinnied in protest, but complied. “Okay, you two keep lookout for me” Barry commanded, “I’m going to see if I can shake them.”

Beneath them, the coach was barely keeping itself together. It was not built for this sort of thing, and every bump and dip in the road risked damaging the wooden wheels. Taako pressed himself flat against the carriage as he stood up. An image of being thrown off and crushed under the splintering wheels kept flashing through his mind.

Peeking over the hood, Taako saw their pursuers. They were closer than anticipated. Standing beside him, Lup took and squeezed his hand.

“It looks like we have the entire local militia after us,” Lup commented, speaking up so that Barry could hear her over the wind and commotion. “Damn,” she added, mostly to herself, “they rallied faster than expected.”

“How are the two of you doing on spell slots?” Barry shouted back.

Taako shrugged, even know Barry had no way of knowing that. He shared a look with his sister and said, “I’m doing fine.”

Lup glanced at Barry. “Yeah, we’re both good. Why, did you have a certain something in mind?”

The twins watched as Barry attempted to multi-task. He kept one hand on the reins, while the other one scrambled around his belt looking for his wand. “There is a certain spell I’ve been dying to try out,” he admitted. Once he got his wand free, he shot a quick look over his shoulder at Lup. “It requires some ingredients, though. Lup, babe, can you grab the packet I have in my breast pocket?”

“Certainly, babe.” Lup pushed herself away from the carriage’s cabin and draped herself over Barry’s back. She reached under his armpit, seeking out the aforementioned pocket with deliberately teasing strokes across his chest. “Tell me when I’m getting warm.”

Taako groaned sourly and pulled out his own wand. It was cleverly disguised as a pen; Lup had a matching one. “Gross, please save the foreplay for later,” he said.

“Is this it?” Lup pulled the small pouch out. She held it in front of Barry’s face.

“That’s the one,” Barry said. “There should be some beads inside. Empty about six or seven onto your hand and toss them in the air when I say the word _now_.”

As Barry and Lup continued taking their sweet time, Taako watched the militia’s wagons, which were rapidly closing in on them. He could count at least four of them, two speeding side by side with the other two trailing behind them. At least one solider was charging a spell, from what Taako could see. Probably a Levitate, if the glint of gold wire was anything to go by.

 _Well, two can play at that game_ , Taako thought. He grabbed his own gold wire and started bending it into the proper shape. As he worked, the soldier’s Levitate landed on the cabin’s roof, a foot or so away from Taako’s face. 

“Shit,” Taako swore, and ducked down.

The spell attempted to levitate the horse-drawn carriage, lifting the back wheels for only half-inch before crashing back down. The fancy elven carriage was way over the spell’s weight-limit. 

It didn’t take long for Taako to finish constructing the proper shape. The braided loop of gold began to glow in his palm. Taako closed his eyes, channeling the magic into his wand. When he opened them, the wire had dissolved. The spell was ready to be cast. And Taako was smart enough not to attempt levitating an entire vehicle.

Another column of magic blasted through the air, this time missing the carriage entirely. Jumping on the opportunity, Taako pulled himself back up. He let his eyes fall on the closest wagon’s driver.

The fool didn’t even have a windshield to protect himself. 

_This is almost too easy_ , Taako thought, and then cast Levitate on the driver.

Taako heard the driver swear as the spell took hold, and lifted him up out of his seat. The wagon pitched to the side and skid to a stop, momentarily hindering the two behind it. The soldiers in the unaffected wagon looked reasonably spooked. All three remaining wagons recovered, though. Within seconds they were hot on their trail again.

“Nice,” Lup commented. She leaned heavy against Taako’s side. “Want to see something rad?” Lup asked, and then jerked her thumb back at Barry.

So Taako looked.

Barry had a collection of small flaming meteors orbiting his head. It was, as Lup said, very rad. “Tell me where,” Barry called back to his wife.

Lup grinned wickedly wide. She glanced between the rotating meteors and the wagons a few times. Taako could clearly see her making quick calculations in her brain. “You’ll want a twenty degree downward trajectory,” Lup instructed Barry, “Somewhere between five and six o’clock.”

“Roger!” And with that shout, Barry hurled a couple of the meteors. 

They shot right towards the ground in front of the closest wagon, exploding in a burst of flame as they made contact with the wheels. Within seconds, the wagon was engulfed, with the soldiers scrambling out of either side. The explosion had also done a fair amount of damage to the third wagon. The fourth was untouched but its occupants appeared ill at ease.

“Bullseye!” Lup pumped her fist victoriously into the air. “That was great, Bear. Now, you’ll want to go for a fifteen degree angle, this one directly behind you.”

Another couple of meteors were released, spiraling towards the damaged wagon’s wheels.

Its driver, however, managed to veer out of the way of the brunt of the explosion. The wagon lost a door and one of its occupants, though, who took a few tumbles across the street and into some unlucky person’s front yard flower garden. Oh, and the rest of the wagon still remaining was on fire. Everyone but the driver was desperately scrambling to put it out. One of the smarter ones simply jumped ship.

“Okay, same angle,” Lup instructed, “but now they’re between six and seven o’clock.”

This time the meteors exploded underneath the head of the vehicle, blasting it to the side and taking out most of the last remaining wagon with it. 

There was a sputter, and then the last of the sirens cut off.

“ _Sick_ ,” Taako said.

“Hopefully they brought a cleric along,” Lup added. She kept her eyes on the scene of destruction until it faded out of view. Their carriage was reaching the outskirts of New Elfington, the roads becoming rockier, and the night getting quieter. “They’re definitely going to need a few of those Spare the Dying cantrips.”

“They’ll be fine,” Taako assured Lup, without really caring either way.

Barry grunted his agreement. “We need to switch to a different mode of transportation,” he pointed out, “We’ll be too conspicuous riding around in this gilded piece of garbage.”

“Also, these wheels will definitely fall apart soon,” Taako added. The carriage was clearly not built for traversing difficult terrain, but instead for inducing class-envy. Taako unhooked the cape around his shoulders and tossed it off the side into the mud. It had served its purpose, and besides, it was starting to make the skin around his collar itch. He scratched at his neck absent-mindedly. “I’d summon Garyl, but there’s no chance he could carry all three of us.”

Lup plopped down beside Barry. She put her hand on her satchel, on top the pocket where the ring was stored. “You can always use Polymorph on one of us,” she suggested after a beat of silence.

“That’d be me, I’m guessing,” Barry put in, “since I’m the heaviest.”

Lup teasingly pinched Barry’s gut and giggled. “Can’t resist those nice, thick love handles, though,” she purred, peppering his jawline with kisses.

“I could also tell you about my love life, you know,” Taako informed his sister, “I could list off the weird things _I’m_ into. But I don’t, and you know why? It’s because I respect you. I respect you and I respect myself enough not to put myself on blast like that. And—and! I know there are some things that sane people just don’t want to hear about their siblings.”

She and Barry barely paid Taako’s words any mind. They were too busy biting back giggles, waiting for Taako to finish his spiel.

When he did, they both chorused, “ _What_ love life?”

“Fuck you!” Taako snapped back. He folded his arms angrily, like a toddler, while they broke into tearful laughter. “You two are the worst,” he added, but he was smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will be a shorter chapter, kind of a little side-story before we switch perspectives from the twins and Barry to Lucretia, Merle, and Dav. Ready for some teen Taako and Lup shenanigans?


End file.
